Interviews with a Rurouni or Hitokiri!
by Baka Deshis
Summary: If the cast of RK appeared in an interview show, this is what might happen! A bit OOC...
1. Soujirou Seta!

**Disclaimer:** If we owned Rurouni Kenshin, green mushrooms will rule the world! Hehe…

(**A/N**: This story is like a talk show play script, so K is for Kumiko, S is for Soujirou and LA is for live audience. OK?)

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**Interview with… Soujirou Seta!**

K: Konichiwa and welcome to 'Interviews with a Rurouni or Hitokiri'! I'm your host, Kumiko and let's welcome our very special guest, Soujirou Seta!

LA: (applause)

K: Konichiwa Soujirou!

S: Konichiwa Kumiko!

K: Now, I would like to ask you some questions.

S: Sure.

K: How old are you?

S: 18.

K: Really? You look so um…

S: I know, like a 15 year old.

K: Sorry…

S: That's okay, I admit it myself.

K: You really do seem like a very nice person…

S: Hohoho… Then why do they put me as a villain?

K: Um…

(Sudden silence, grasshoppers chirping)

S: Never mind…

K: Sorry…

S: Haha… I don't know myself actually…

K: (Sweatdrop) Anyway, how come you're so good at swords? They say you have natural born talent eh?

S: Well, I have Shishio to thank for it.

K: Even if he brainwashed you as a villain?

S: Yeah…

K: (Touches Soujirou's forehead, wondering if there's any fever)

S: What?

K: Nevermind, again.

S: But that's true, really.

K: Well, I guess so.

S: Why?

K: No reason… Anyway, how long were you in the Juppon Gatana?

S: Ngg… Since I was with Shishio, around um… few years lah… I forgot… Umm… I…

K: Keep it simple would you?

S: Okay, okay… I don't know. I forgot.

K: There then, that's better...

S: Phew…

K: What kind of girl would you like to be, well… I mean your idealistic girl…

S: Um… A girl with a natural-born ability to fight with a sword, with honor and even she's so tough, she's still got to be pretty…

K: Um… I don't think anyone like that exists in this millennium since you wanted a sword girl… Anyway, how would you win a girl's heart?

S: Let me see, I will throw her dog in the lake and I will swim with my clothes still on and save the dog. All of my screaming fans will come running to me; I will give her dog back. After that, I think the girl will cry over me and she will express her undying love to me!

K: … (whispers) No comment…

S: What?

K: Isn't that kind of extreme?

S: Not for me because I am extreme!

K: Err, right. Did you get Hiko's narcistic virus?

S: No, I just got his ego.

K: Well, you're brave enough to even admit that! Well, how are you able to attack so fast?

S: Well, I train a lot with my sensei, Shishio…

K: (whispers) Typical…

S: And I do a lot of footwork like running and jumping on the walls and ceilings…

K: Sugoi…

S: And I drink a lot of lo-fat cappuccinos!

K: Err… what?

LA: (Thinks) Does not make sense… no connection at all…

S: Lo-fat cappuccinos make you run very fast, not sleepy at all and not fat! (Pretends to know everything)

K: (Shouts) Don't give him any caffeinated food! (Normal voice) Alright, next question… What other sports do you do?

S: Let me see… Fencing, kendo (duh…), track, gymnastics, and um… that's all I guess.

K: Oh… I see, so now I'm definite you don't swim or play basketball.

S: I guess. That's the reason I'm kind of short.

K: Hahaha… I've never met anyone who would admit that… Well, I've got another question for you.

S: Okay.

K: What do you think about yourself? (whispers) Ego trip…

S: Well, I'm fast, a good athlete, strong, handsome…

Soujirou fan girls: That's true!

S: … and nice.

K: (Snorts) Kya, right…

S: What?

K: Oh, nothing…

S: But it's true! I am nice! I do all the dirty work when Shishio's too lazy…

(Shishio in Hell)

Shishio: Achoo! Achoo!

Satan: What's the matter? Isn't it hot enough here?

(Back to the studio)

K: Now, you must be very obedient and loyal, not mentioning you're treated like a dog…

S: That's true; I should be Shishio's master. But… (heroic music and pose) … I will stay true to my master and be obedient to him! I will do as I am told even though I don't want to! (heroic music ends)

LA: (sweatdrop)

K: (sweatdrop) Right… So you must be very honorable! (whispers) …Or very UNhonorable.

S: (shooting-daggers glare)

K: (trembling) Ehehe... Just joking… Anyway, one more question…

S: Yes?

K: Would you like a rematch with Kenshin somehow?

S: I'd love that and this time, I'm not going to loose! (heroic pose, spotlight on Soujirou, heroic sound effects)

K: Oh…

(Studio doors slam open, Kenshin enters)

Kenshin: Come on and fight!

S: Okay! Bring it on!

K: Hey wait! I want to ask you, why do you want to fight him so much?

S: Since I like the challenge and he nearly killed Shishio!

Kenshin & S: (Runs toward each other) HYAAAAAA! (Takes out sword)

WE ARE HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES AND THE AUTHORESSES DO NOT WANT TO DESCRIBE THE SCENE BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO LAZY AND IT'S TOO VIOLENT, PLUS THEY DON'T WANT NEITHER OF THE LOVELY CHARACTERS TO GET BLOODIED UP. NOW WE RETURN TO THE CURRENT PROGRAM.

K: That's all the time we have, bye!

LA, bloody Kenshin, bloody S: (applause)

fin-

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(**A/N**: What do you think? Please review!)

Moshii


	2. Shishio Makoto!

**Disclaimer: **(Sung to 'We are The Champions') We don't own RK, my friend; if we do we won't be doing this… We also borrowed Sanzo and lots of other things, we only own the host Kumiko, so don't sue us!

(**A/N**: (Sung to 'C is for Cookie') K is for Kumiko, and it's good enough for me, S is for Shihio is it good enough for you? LA is for Live Audience and other characters will appear normally…)

Okay, that was weird. Anyway, on with the show!

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**Interview with… Shishio Makoto!**

K: Welcome to Interviews with a Rurouni or Hitokiri! I'm your host Kumiko!

LA: (applause)

K: On tonight's show, we have the Shadow Hitokiri himself… Shishio Makoto!

LA: (applause)

K: Konichiwa Shishio!

S: Yes, yes, good day to you too, you weakling.

K: (still smiling) Okay! I'm just going to ignore that! Well, I have some questions for you.

S: Go ahead.

K: Why did you turn into a villain?

S: Because… (singing)

They burnt me

They had no dignity

I had lied there

In my blood

Making a pool of red

I felt nothing but mad

I felt nothing but fed up

But I know

That one thing will stay the same

There is a way

I will survive

I will survive…

Sanzo (from Saiyuki): (apperaring from nowhere) Urusai saru! THWACK! (disappears)

LA: (sweatdrop)

K: (laughs, points to where Sanzo was) Okay! Wrong anime! Hehe…

S: Anyway, I was a villain to get revenge on the Imperial Loyalists who burnt me alive.

K: I see, any other reasons?

S: Yes, because I'm a villain in this anime, the producers promised to give me chocolate everyday!

K: (sweatdrop) And again, I got a call from one of the audience asking me to ask you this…

S: What?

K: How do you keep your skin so tanned? (slowly backs away)

S: Hey! Who asked that?

LA: (everyone slowly raises hand)

S: (glows) Well, I'm happy to know that someone wants to know my beauty secrets!

Everyone: (sweatdrop)

S: My secret is, I like to go for barbeques and I go in the barbeque too!

K: So you're the food?

S: I get tanned and have dinner that way!

K: Err… okay. Next question, what do you like about your soul mate, girlfriend, lover, partner in crime…

LA: (shouts) JUST GET TO THE POINT ALREADY!

K: Yumi Kamigata?

S: Well, um…

Yumi: (bats eyelashes)

S: Err…

Yumi: (puts on more green lipstick)

S: Uh…

Yumi: (straps a belt full of bombs to herself) I will blow up if you don't say why you love me!

S: (waits patiently for Yumi to blow up)

BOOM!

K: Okay, that was a little awkward and weird. Since you didn't answer my question before Yumi blew up, I'll add 10 more questions.

S: What? Fine, I'll answer… Um… (pauses for a very, **very** long time)

K: Well?

S: What?

K: What what?

S: What what what?

K: You said what first…

(silence)

Don Leno (from Shark Tale): (appearing from nowhere) Yo, that was my line! (slaps Kumiko and Shishio with tail fin, disappears)

(silence, grasshoppers chirping)

LA: (sweatdrop)

K: Okay, back to the question…

S: She's pretty, wonderful, cute, beautiful, adorable, magnificent…

K: (looking bored) Make it simple.

S: Fine. She's perfect.

Prophet from audience: I, the prophet from Lake Watchamacallit, say that nobody's perfect!

S: Okay then, Mr. Prophet from Lake Watchamacallit, she's around 99.9 perfect them. You happy now?

Prophet: Yessuh!

K: Well, whatever, just sit down before I call security. Now, let's move on…

S: Go ahead.

K: How'd you win Yumi's heart?

S: Threatened her.

K, LA: Huh?

S: Just joking. Well, I helped her out from the Maria Ruz thingie…

K: Maria Ruz?

S: Don't remind me.

K: Oh, that you treat her like a mistress?

S: I won't answer that for my own privacy and safety.

K: Good enough.

S: Thank you.

K: Nope, I was bluffing. Answer or I'll add 10 more questions. 10 very embarrassing questions…

LA: Mwahahahahahahhahahaha…

K: Well?

S: Die you…

K: Me? I'm a host, when guests are interviewed, there's an objection on killing your host.

S: Yeah, yeah. Whatever, well. Back to the question, yes, I did.

K: Wow, I can't believe someone like you would treat her like that.

S: No, I 'eat' her like that…

K: Aren't you burnt enough to eat yourself?

S: I'm too burnt too eat, it's disgusting you know.

K: Okay, so the next question I was going to ask is already answered…

S: What was it?

K: Asking if you were a cannibal after you drink your victim's blood.

S: (puts on fake fangs and Transylvanian accent) For I am Count Dracula! Mwahahahahha…

K, LA: I thought vampires were extinct…

S: (takes of fangs) Yeah, I guess so.

K: Okay, let's move on. Who do you want a rematch with?

S: Aoshi maybe, he's so cool, plus he almost beat Kenshin once, and he's handsome too…

Misao (from audience): My stepdad's not gay, he won't think you're handsome too!

Aoshi: CHARGE! Die you!

BZZT!

**Sorry again, we hate blood and we are also too lazy to describe and well, Shikijo's flail broke the camera, now we suggest you to think of cute little puppies and not the fight. Now we return.**

BZZT!

K: Okay, that's done! TAKE ME TO THE DIRECTOR, I WILL NEVER INTERVIEW THAT MANIAC AGAIN! (normal voice) Thank you and good bye!

Aoshi, LA, S: (applause and backing away from K)

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(**A/N**: Yes… our corrupt and twisted minds are still not satisfied. Please review or else Mr. Teddy gets it! (holds teddy bear and gun) Meh… just kidding. But reviews are welcome!)

M**o**s**h**i**i**


End file.
